


Talk

by JaneSophia



Category: Big Bang (Band), GTOP (Band), TaeDae
Genre: :), Angst, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, fatal brain tumor, jiyong is thirty something in this fic., kodaline songs, not for nyongtory shippers, not really a fic for nyongtory shippers, seungri is gtop's son, this story started kinda straight to the middle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-06-02 04:25:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6550819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneSophia/pseuds/JaneSophia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It explained everything. The continuously painful headaches, the irregular sleeping schedules, the overbearing fatigue. Everything. </p>
<p>Kwon Jiyong was 33 years old when he discovered he won't be able to grow old with his beloved Seunghyun due to a discovery of a fatal brain tumor inside his head. </p>
<p>This is a story about his last night together with Seunghyun and their morning after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talk

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. So this is my first work in the fandom :)  
> Not really a fic for Nyongtory shippers (sorry) cause i ship Gtop like hell. It is sad but i had fun writing it. I hope its not too weird and hope you'll guys like it. I used two Kodaline songs, which are "Talk" and "Big Bad World" but i changed the lyrics to fit the story. Also, i don't think Jiyong was the one who wrote "Baby Don't Cry" but i did it to fit the story. I hope its okay. :)

Jiyong smiled weakly as Seunghyun continued to cry softly while holding onto Jiyong's bony left hand like his entire existence depended on it. Seunghyun kissed the smiley tattoo etched permanently on his lover's beautiful skin to match the hideous scar he permanently have on his right hand feverently. Eventhough Jiyong was smiling, his heart shattered at the sight of his boyfriend. What more can he do? What more can they do? He did his best to hold back his own tears. After a few moments, Jiyong pet Seunghyun's hair soothingly with his right hand while singing a gentle tune;

"I am a moment of yours that'll come and go.  
A riddle, a rhyme you'll always know  
A change in my health, a twist of fate,   
Couldnt fix it, but its okay.

"We dont, we dont need to talk about this now.   
We've been down this road before  
That was then and this is now"

"The crowds in my heart have been calling out your name,   
Now it just dont feel the same.  
I guess it's over, yeah we're done.."

His voice couldn't sound as perfect as it was before. It was broken and harsh and some of the lyrics he sang came out nothing more than a gentle whisper or a wheeze. He even coughed somewhere in between while singing but to Seunghyun, it was still perfect and still the most beautiful sound he's ever heard in his entire life. Jiyong hasn't sang for so long now. Not after they discovered that Jiyong won't be able to grow old with Seunghyun due to the development of a fatal brain tumor inside his head.

The lyrics were all in English so Seunghyun couldn't understand what the song Jiyong sang was about but deep down, he knew. He knew that this was it. This was the end. This will be the last time. After all they've been through together since the first time they've met during middle school, it would all end here. Seunghyun shook his head pleadingly.   
"No.. no, Baby. No. Stop. No more. Don't. Please.. please no."   
A heartwrenching sob racked out from Seunghyun as he finished his sentence. A stray tear fell from Jiyong's moist eyes.   
"Shh... it's okay, Hyunnie. It's okay." He continued stroking Seunghyun's hair slowly.   
Jiyong stared wistfully at his crying lover. He thought about all the memories they have shared together. About all their hopes and dreams for the future, about all of their unforgettable bittersweet past and all the success and happiness they've achieved. Tears kept on cascading from Jiyong's eyes as the memories of their lives together flashed before his eyes.   
"It has been a meaningful and fulfilled life, even if it wasn't long enough." Jiyong calmly thought to himself. Now he grievely accepted the fact that nobody is too young to die.

"Hyunnie..." he called softly. "Come and lay down by my side."  
Seunghyun lifted his head slowly. His eyes were bloodshot and his nose runny. The sobs settled down to small hiccups. Seunghyun took a deep breath and tried his best to regain his composure. He wiped his nose with his sleeves before slowly nodding his head. Jiyong then moved all the wires of the medical machines attached to him neatly on one side to make room for Seunghyun. The bed wasn't that big for two people to lie onto but it's enough for them. After all, they have been sharing a bed since the old trainee days so this was nothing new. 

Jiyong giggled at the close proximity of their faces. Seunghyun almost burst to tears hearing that adorable giggle, knowing it would be the last time for him to hear it. Instead, he snorted and laughed. He can do that much. He knew that crying will resolve nothing and it will only make Jiyong sadder. He knew better than to only cause and add up more sadness and pain to Jiyong. He had already suffered so much. So Seunghyun determinedly laughed and pressed their foreheads together. Jiyong sighed happily at the contact. They snuggled comfortably with their eyes closed, just content with each other's presence. 

For now, the world consist of only them. Lying side by side, far away from everything and everyone except for one another in the dark and quiet of the night. Seunghyun took hold of Jiyong's hands gently and held them close. Their hands fitted together perfectly, like they were always meant to be. Puzzle pieces complimenting and completing one another. They contentedly breath into each other's air, their bodies and mind morphing into one. It was as if the time has stopped and the universe was finally working out in their favour. Oh, how they wished they could stay like this forever. 

Seunghyun then opened his eyes and caressed Jiyong's hollowed cheek. Jiyong leaned in closer to the touch before opening his eyes. Although sunken and red-rimmed, Jiyong's sweet brown eyes in the shade of melting chocolate that gazed lovingly into Seunghyun's dark brown ones never changed. It was still so breathtaking, it was still so painfully beautiful. Still the same eyes Seunghyun fell in love at first sight with. The same pair of loving eyes that he recognized and loved. Seunghyun wondered for a moment, how will he be able to live without gazing into these sweet eyes ever again? He grimaced at the thought.

Noticing his lover's sudden sadness, Jiyong took off his oxygen mask for a moment and leaned in, kissing Seunghyun's lips. The kiss was nothing more than a gentle peck to the lips but Seunghyun found himself lost in it. It was sweet, gentle and strong. It spoke reassurance and love loudly even when there was no actual words spoken. Before Seunghyun could delved into the kiss deeper, Jiyong pulled away and reattached his oxygen mask. Jiyong hearty grin was luckily visible underneath his mask. Seunghyun stared dumbfoundedly. The kiss given to him was as brief as it was taken back. That kiss was everything Jiyong was and Jiyong was everything to him. Jiyong came to his life as fast as he was taken from it too.. 

"..... i love you" Seunghyun whispered to Jiyong lovingly. Both of their eyes were already wet with the tears that they held back but their gaze never left each other. 

"I love you too.." Jiyong replied weakly. Seunghyun pulled him into a hug. He kissed Jiyong's forehead gently. Jiyong yawned. 

"Hyunnie.. i'm sleepy." (Don't go)

Seunghyun bit his lips to held his tears back.   
"Then sleep, Baby. I'm right here."  
(Please don't go.)

"Will you be here in the morning?" Jiyong's voice was now nothing louder than a soft breath of whisper. (Don't leave me.)

"Yeah." (Forever. I'll be by your side forever; Seunghyun wanted to say, but he didn't) I won't leave you, Baby. I promise." (Please)

"Hmm.. thank you, Hyunnie.. i love you" Jiyong managed a small smile before closing his eyes. Seunghyun's tears fell faster. (No.)

"I love you too, Yongie.." (I'll never love anyone else, not after you. Never.)

Seunghyun cried himself to sleep with Jiyong held close in his arms. 

 

In the small hours of morning, Seunghyun was awoken from his slumber. The Sun hasn't come out and the Moon hasn't left yet. He felt groggy and his eyes were bleary from the leftover tears that was shed so much during the night before. As his vision cleared, he was greeted by the sight of the unconscious person beside him. His beautiful lover. His Jiyong. Seunghyun's heart clenched hard. He marveled at how much younger Jiyong looked with his eyes closed, face more relaxed and at peace than Seunghyun ever saw them. Seunghyun knew better about the end. That's why now he is sad, becoming sadder as time passed. He knew. This was it.  
Jiyong would never woke back up. No matter how long Seunghyun waited, no matter how much Seunghyun hoped, he won't open his eyes anymore. 

This was the end. 

He caressed his lover's cheek gently before silently mourning his loss. Seunghyun lifted the oxygen mask that have no use for Jiyong anymore away from them. He kissed his lover's beautiful chapped lips one last time before slowly getting up to sit by the bed. He glanced at his lover. Jiyong looked like he was sleeping. Only this time, it's a sleep, a deep slumber that he'll never wake up from ever again. Seunghyun held Jiyong's already cold right hand and kissed it. Their promise ring on his slim ring finger glistened brightly in the dark. Tears were steadily running down Seunghyun's cheeks again, like a clear stream flowing at no restrain. His heart ached more than it has ever ache throughout his entire life. The more he looked at his beloved Jiyong who was no longer breathing and becoming more cold and stiff by the second, the more numb and harrowing everything is to him right now.

Love hurts. Love is painful.

After an agonizing moment passed, Seunghyun willed himself to stand up. He turned away from the bed and head for the door without a second glance at his lifeless lover. He exited the room quietly and leaned against the door. He had a brief thought of finding the other boys in the hospital's waiting room before his mind and emotions crumpled into a mess at the reality he's facing right now. Seunghyun slowly fell down to the floor. Loud sobs and grotesque moans were let out like all hell broke loose. He held his face in his hands and wailed like there was no tomorrow. There is no tomorrow. Not for him anyway.

Youngbae, who coincidentally was on his way to Jiyong's room after waking up from the slightly uncomfortable sofa in the waiting room rushed to Seunghyun's side. He knelt down and hugged the older man, tears cascading from himself as well, knowing what this mess of an older man he's holding means. A couple of nurses came running to them to check on the commotion. After seeing and inspecting the lifeless man laying peacefully on bed inside of the room, they started crying and left both of the crying men on the floor to give them some privacy and space to mourn. Before the nurses left, Youngbae asked them to please go and call Daesung and Seungri sleeping in the waiting room to come here. The women nodded and half-ran towards the direction of the waiting room. 

"Youngbae..." Seunghyun managed in between sobs. "He's gone... He's GONE.." Seunghyun wailed louder.

Youngbae hugged him tighter. "I know, Hyung. I know... it's okay. He's in a better place now.." Seunghyun moaned painfully at Youngbae's words. 

"I love him, Youngbae. I love him. I don't want him to leave me." Youngbae closed his eyes and cried harder himself. "I dont want him to leave us either, Hyung. We all love him.."He thought silently to himself, but he didn't say. 

After a few minutes, Seunghyun started to calm down. They both need to. For both Daesung and Seungri's sake. Youngbae helped Seunghyun up on his feet and they both stood beside each other. Seunghyun blankly stared off into space, bloodshot eyes empty and hollow while Youngbae excused himself to go and see his best friend for the last time.   
"Jiyong.." Youngbae called quietly after he entered the room. He sat on the bed and gently cradled Jiyong's head in his arms, pulling him into his lap. He peppered his best friend's forehead with tear-stricken kisses. He choked a sob at the coldness of his friend's skin.   
"I'll take care of them, Ji. Just like i promised. So don't you worry about a thing, okay?" Youngbae managed a sad smile, talking to his best friend like when they were kids again. Seeing no respond from Jiyong aside from his calm, sleeping face broke the spell. Youngbae held his best friend tightly and cried with all his might. "I'll miss you, Jiyongie. We'll miss you. So you better watch over us and wait for our us there, okay?"he stroked Jiyong's head softly. Then, he closed his eyes and held Jiyong protectively in his arms while mumbling a few soothing tunes to himself. 

"We went out on our own, and its a big bad world outside,"  
"Carrying our dreams and all that they mean, trying to make it all worthwhile..."

Youngbae stopped and smiled softly to himself. "We made our dreams come true and everything was worthwhile. Right, Ji?"  
He didn't need to wait for an answer. He would always remember. 

 

"...se wake up" Daesung heard someone said. Maybe it's a dream? "Daesung-sshi, please. Wake up." A few sobs was heard. Okay; Daesung thought to himself. This was most definitely not a dream. He slowly opened his eyes. Seungri was still sleeping on the couch beside him. He lifted his head and saw two crying nurses standing.   
Oh no. No, not now. Not this, please.   
Daesung quickly got up and sat himself straight. "Is... Jiyong-hyung..?" Their miserable shaked heads and cries confirmed everything.   
Daesung closed his eyes and leaned back on the sofa. Tears were already collecting by his eyes, threatening to fall. He looked to his other side and saw the empty space where Youngbae was supposed to be sleeping. "Did Youngbae-hyung asked you to call us?" Daesung asked softly. His voice was already broken. The nurses nodded and after Daesung thanked them, they left. Daesung sighed and ran a hand through his hair, trying his hardest to register the horrible fact of reality hitting them right now.

He scooted closer to the sleeping Seungri and shook him gently. "Seungri. Seungri-ah, wake up. Please, wake up." Seungri slowly regained consciousness and squinted his eyes against the blinding light of the waiting room. He turned around and looked at Daesung. "Yeah, Hyung. I'm awake. What's-"  
His sentence was cut short when Daesung grabbed hold of his hand and squeezed it tight. Daesung lowered his head, hiding his face from Seungri and his body shook violently. Seungri knew how much Daesung hated to let anyone see him cry. His heart ache at how hard Daesung tried to suppress his cries and sobs. Seungri got up from the couch he was laying onto swiftly and moved by Daesung's side without breaking their connected hands. He pulled Daesung gently to let him cried on his shoulder. Seungri then laid his head limply against Daesung's hair and cried loudly at the one coherent word Daesung managed to let out before everything else dissolved into a series of heartbreaking sobs and groans. The word that was enough to explain everything. 

"Jiyong-hyung.."

Both Daesung and Seungri ran towards Jiyong's room as fast as their legs could take them. When arrived, they were greeted by a sad sight of a broken man standing beside their destination's door. Seungri took one brief glance at Seunghyun's aloof eyes before bursting into the room like nobody's business. Before the door closed back, it was positively sure that everyone on the floor could hear the most loud, distressing and inhuman sound coming out from Seungri. 

Daesung stopped his hurried steps and stood in front of the closed door. He couldn't bear to even imagine the sight he would see if he opened the door. Daesung then decided to think about the bond he has forged over time with Jiyong, a beloved older friend turned brother whom he loved with all of his heart. The talented and kind leader whom he respected, idolized and adored. The strong-willed man who bravely stood and stayed by his side when he did the worst mistake of his entire life. The man who has patiently taught and guided him on how to gain back his courage and confident to look into other people's eyes again. The same beautiful man who wrote an equally beautiful song to help him keep his head high and live again. 

"Baby don't cry, Baby don't cry, Baby don't cry...  
Someday you will shine, so give me your smile.."

Daesung burst into tears and fell down to the floor as that beautiful song played repeatedly inside his head. He screamed and wailed painfully as he thought about Jiyong's beautiful smile and musical laughs he was always graced with everytime he told a funny joke out. He thought about how he will never be able to see it or hear it ever again. He began pulling his hair hurtfully as he cried more, an old habit that never really died out until Seunghyun came to his side, held him tightly to stop him from hurting himself more. 

"Shhhhhh" he heard Seunghyun's deep voice rumbled. "He wouldn't want you to hurt yourself." Daesung let out a strangled moan.

"Hyung... i-i" Seunghyun gently stroked Daesung's silky hair. 

"Shhhhhhhh. It's okay, Daesung. It's okay" 

Daesung cried heartily on Seunghyun's shoulder while the older man soothed him down with soft whispers of sweet nothings.   
After the agonizing wails died down and Daesung's breaths started to even out again, Seunghyun helped him up on his feet. Daesung was still held close in Seunghyun's arms after they stood up. The gentle strokes of Seunghyun's palm on his back was warm.   
"You ready to go in?" Seunghyun asked after a while, breaking the silence. Daesung let Seunghyun's comforting embrace settled deep within the crack of his bones before letting go and nodded.   
Control what you can, Confront what you can't; he thought solemnly. With Seunghyun's hand firmly holding onto his, Daesung determinedly walked into the room without a second thought. 

 

Seungri couldn't believe it.   
He would never believe it.   
But it is what it is.   
And everyone dies  
sooner or later.   
It was just how the world works.

Arggggghh, he screamed louder as he saw Jiyong's lifeless body held with such love and care by a forlorn Youngbae. He closed his eyes and wept harder than he ever knew he could and fell down to his knees, his heart torn and shredded to pieces. He put his arms around himself and wailed monstrously, his own hauntingly pleading call for Jiyong to get up and care for his shredded heart like how he always did. 

Jiyong was always there. 

Whether Seungri needed him or not at the time, he was always there.   
Eventhough they weren't really close from the start of their debut era, Seungri has always held a special place for Jiyong deep within his heart. There was something special about Jiyong, something about his personality, his leadership, his talent and just, basically everything about him that Seungri couldn't help but love, respect and adore. He looked up to Jiyong like how a little boy would look up to their favourite heroes. Also, Jiyong was always more than just a beloved older brother and leader to him. Jiyong was also his hero, his mentor, his muse and most unexpectedly, his mother. The leader's maternal side was not foreign to the members since their debut days. And Seungri, being the youngest was often the target for Jiyong's slightly overbearing maternal affection and attention. As how Daesung was always the closest to Youngbae since the old days, Seungri was always the closest to Jiyong. 

Sure, they joked and cuddled around a lot either in their dorm or in front of their loyal fans, providing Nyongtory fanservices without fail but they were not like that. His love for Jiyong has no depth but Seungri knew from the start that he could never take that position away from Seunghyun. He never once stood a chance against Jiyong's pure, romantic love for the older Seunghyun. Jiyong has been crushing on the older man for as long as Seungri remembered. Even during the time when those two didn't realised it themselves. There hasn't been a moment when Jiyong wasn't in love with Seunghyun. Not that Seungri ever minded, though. He was content enough to being able to be by Jiyong's side whenever the older man needed him and he actually prefered letting himself became Jiyong's beloved child just so that he could keep seeing Jiyong smiling and happy with Seunghyun. Ever since Seungri knew the real Kwon Jiyong, the sensitive, determined, lovable and vulnerable Kwon Jiyong who was hidden from the prying eyes of the world, that was all that he ever wanted. He just wanted Jiyong to be happy his entire life. 

But now... now..

Seungri's train of thoughts was abruptly interrupted by Youngbae's strong arms holding him up. He felt his body being led carefully to the bed. He struggled against Youngbae's grip on his arms as he approached the bed closer.  
"No... no, Hyung.. no.. please..." Seungri forcefully turned himself to face away from the bed. His face landed on Youngbae's shoulder. He continued to cry, his sobs and groans muffled as he snaked his arms around Youngbae and clung to the other man for dear life. Youngbae caressed the youngest's hair slowly. He didn't say anything. He knew he didn't need to. So he waited. He waited patiently for Seungri to collect himself. Other than to Seunghyun, Youngbae understood that this would hit Seungri the hardest as well. He never said or admitted it out loud but he knew that when it was just Jiyong, Seunghyun and Seungri together, they were a family. Seunghyun's the father, Jiyong's the mother and Seungri's the son. Youngbae and Daesung would fit into the picture as Seungri's loving older brothers. To the five of them, Big Bang has always been one big happy family together in that way and as bizarre as all that sounds, it's true. Heck, he had known Jiyong long since they were kids and ever since Seunghyun came along, he has understood well enough how deep their love ran.

Youngbae continued stroking Seungri's hair gently until the muffled sobs settled down to dainty little hiccups. He then kissed Seungri's forehead because he knew how much the heartbroken Maknae needed that right now before pulling the younger man to sit on the bed. Seungri held his hands up to cover his face and cried like a child for a moment before slowly turning around to face his beloved Jiyong.   
"Ah... ah, Jiyong-hyung... ah, Oppa...." Seungri broke down into another series of loud cries before lying down on the bed and hugged the lifeless man close to his chest. Youngbae could barely hold his ground at such tear-jerking sight. He leaned against the nearest wall and continued to steeled himself to keep on standing. A few tears escaped his eyes and he briefly wondered about the whereabouts of Daesung before the door of the room swung open revealing Seunghyun with a teary-eyed Daesung behind him, their hands connected. 

"Hyung.." he heard Daesung calling out brokenly for him. Seunghyun stepped out of the way just in time for Youngbae to pulled Daesung into a hug harshly without hitting anybody. He didn't mean to act so rough. It's just... everything hurts and he didn't know what else to do or feel anymore. Daesung seemed to get the message when Youngbae felt the hands of the younger man holding him just as tight. Youngbae then thought about the situation Seunghyun was in and released their hug almost immediately. Daesung didn't said anything. They both knew better about this. Youngbae stepped out of Daesung's vision to let him get a clearer look at their dead leader and the agonizing sight on the bed. Daesung covered his mouth with his hand to suppress his cries and walked hastily to the bed. He sat on the side of the bed unoccupied by Seungri and buried himself on Jiyong's stiff and cold shoulder before crying himself sick. Youngbae slowly lost his composure and fell down to the floor glumly. He then started crying hopelessly but Seunghyun... well, Seunghyun could only stared silently at them. 

He didn't need to realised the tears steadily falling down from his eyes. His mind was too empty and blank at the moment. His heart was already broken beyond repair and it would never be whole again. Seunghyun would never be complete again.  
Not without Jiyong. Never.  
So he stood there silently and took in the sight. The moment where his Big Bang family fell broken. He wasn't the leader, but now the leader himself was gone.   
So what more can they do?   
He directed his gaze at Jiyong's closed eyes. If he was still here, he would've opened his eyes and laughed happily at how funny Seungri looked when he cried. He would've pinched Daesung's cheeks and pulled them together to form a smile. He would've pulled Youngbae up on his feet and clung onto him like how a baby koala bear would clung to its mother. And most importantly, he would walk up to Seunghyun with the sweetest smile on his face and kissed him. Yes; Seunghyun thought. That's definitely what Jiyong would do if he was still here. 

If he was still here..

If.

"The weight of sadness that comes when you leave me here alone,  
Why, didn't i know about it?"

**Author's Note:**

> The song at the end is Big Bang's "If You" but also, i changed its lyrics.The situation is no longer breaking up, its a goodbye forever. To all of you who haven't listened to that lovely song, please do. It's beautiful.So yeah. Thank you for reading it. :)


End file.
